long dark teatime of the soul… as you stare at the clock the hands will move relentlessly on to four o’clock, and you will enter the long dark teatime of the soul : Douglas Adams – Life, the Universe, and Everything (full quote)

As much as you try, some days, some thoughts, some actions are not the bright positivity you are working towards. What do you do with them?

I’ve learned that to dismiss them, to ignore them, to shove them in a box and bury them in the bottom of the garden at midnight then salt the ground over them – well, it’s not the best way to deal with them. After all, you should know your enemies, because if you don’t know your enemies how the hell are you going to defeat them? How will you recognise it when they turn up.

I know I have flaws, I have bad thoughts, times when my soul is forever caught between the tick and tock of 4pm. I am in no way proud of them, some I am heartily ashamed of, some I will never acknowledge to anyone but my own heart. And I do not share this information with expectations or any desire to stand out. Simply to acknowledge them.

I judge people, I am often surprised by a Daily Mail response when I least expect it, I sometimes withhold the truth, I wonder what death would feel like, I can be preachy, I can be annoying, I can be unreasonable, I can be so so angry. I could go on.

These thoughts are totally at odds with the person I want to be, the person I like to think I am, the person I want others to see.

Yet to be always smiling to the world is a lie. 

We must, should, have to acknowledge that humans and the world we have created (not the earth & nature but what we have built ourselves) is terribly terribly flawed. We need to know that this is OK – as long as we are working to make things better.

Which is why we should know and acknowledge and recognise our flaws. So that we can see them for what they are, a part of us, and then work towards making sure that our thoughts and flaws do not lead to actions which hurt or harm others.

I feel I am rambling here.

I guess I am trying to get across that these thoughts, while dark, are also areas for growth. Places where we can apply learning in order to change them or find ways to minimise their effects on ourselves and others. Also, times change, we change, and sometimes what we once thought was OK we now see as wrong – don’t hold on to the old ways and thoughts once you realise they are there.

There’s always going to be long dark teatimes of the soul, we can’t (and probably shouldn’t) avoid them, but acknowledge them and deal with them.

How do you feel about this? This is a ramble through my thoughts after writing my morning pages, tell me your thoughts.

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There's times when you need to hitch a lift, there's times when the galaxy just isn't guiding you in the right direction, there's times when all you need is the answer (yes I know the ultimate answer is 42 but there are many other questions).

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